Nozzle: By Brian Dykeman
First the bees all began producing poisonous honey. My father died days after a cup of peppermint tea. Then it was the fish and their poisonous eggs. My big brother's wife miscarried after spreading some on homemade sushi. I knew these events had to be linked but I didn't know the how or the why. Devastated by my father's death I took to the great outdoors, our old camping site on the precipice of a cliff near the local lake and several miles from the hives.
Two nights after my retreat a blinding light illuminated my tent. For about a second, I stupidly thought it might be aliens. But upon opening the tent I discovered I was staring down the barrel of a raging forest fire. Knowing I could no longer stay and grieve for my father or the dire events besieging the town, I trudged off into the forest to save myself.
Several minutes later I happened upon a hidden industrial building. Going into the building at first it seemed unoccupied, until someone approached me from behind in the darkness. Startled half out of my wits I discovered I had met a scientist that happened to be working late. Wondering what I was doing in the building I quickly told him we needed to go on account of the forest fire headed our way.
"Don't worry," the man said, "Wait until you see with your own eyes what happens when we spray the forest with the chemicals we've been systematically getting rid of out here. It's incredibly flame retardant. Just be sure not to get any on you," the scientist said as he led me down the hall towards the chemical room, handing me a pair of latex gloves, "It will seep right through your skin and leech into your gonads and make you sterile."
"Sterile," I exclaimed.
"Yeah," the scientist said, "It also gives off a deadly toxic gas when mixed with sugar."
"Really," I asked, quite baffled.
"Yeah," he replied, "it's a good thing fire doesn't contain sugar, huh? We'd die almost instantly from the resulting gas if it was."
"Yeah, good thing," I said, quietly thanking God I had stumbled upon this scientist that just so happened to be in possession of a chemical that was going to save our lives.
"Hey, where were you camping," the man then asked as he began showing me how to dispense and most effectively spray the chemical on the flowers and foliage the fire was closing in on.
"Out on the ridge about a half mile back," I replied.
"No kidding," he said letting me take over and complimenting me on my newly learned technique, "My coworkers and I were just over there about an hour ago," he said. "Legally we have to go that far to have a smoke."
"That's crazy," I said, "that's really far to go."
"Well, we don't want to be giving anyone cancer from second hand smoke, now do we," the man said.
"Well, I have to commend you," I admitted to the man, "Those are pretty high moral standards to go almost out to the lake just to smoke."
"Oh, we can't take too much credit for that," he admitted, "we were also out there dropping some of the barrels of these chemicals into a storage area we haphazardly constructed near there."
"That's pretty conveniently located," I had to admit to him," wiping the sweat from my brow, "You aren't hiring are you," I asked, hating the commute of my current job and really enjoying myself and the job we were accomplishing.
"With as well as you handle that nozzle, son," the scientist said, "I think we might have a spot for you."
Smiling wide as a mile, I realized maybe hard work and determination were exactly what I needed to cope with my Father's death and whatever the mystery cause of it may have been.
"If we get through this, come back tomorrow to fill out some tax paperwork," the scientist then added. "We take government paperwork and process very seriously around here."
"Say, you don't have a cigarette I could bum do you," I asked.
"Sure do, but like I said, it's against the law to smoke so close to the building," the scientist added, switching the hose to our eighth fifty-five gallon barrel of chemicals and cranking the the pump back on, "and we take laws very seriously around here."
"Oh, right," I replied, realizing the company I was about to dedicate the remainder of my life to was the quintessence of an assembly of professionals, "I must have forgotten."
"Don't worry about it, kid," the scientist replied, "You're already hired."
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